Let me set the scene for you. It’s October 2016 and I’m (sort of) newly graduated and living up life at home.
“You know you’ve got a crisp on your top…” my sister said to me, as she came home from work to find me lying on the sofa. I looked down and, lo-and-behold, a lone crisp was left on my top from the pile of crisps I had put there earlier for easy access. You know, so I didn’t have to hold a ginormous bag of crisps while lying down.
“Oooh yeah!” I replied, excited as I popped the last crisp into my mouth.
My sister stared at me, disgust and amusement pasted across her face, like when something is so gross that you just can’t look away.
It was at this point I realised that I had become a bum.
If I didn’t get up to go to the gym in the evenings, it’s likely that I wouldn’t have left the house most weekdays. Ignoring my sister’s pity-stare, I detached myself from the sofa and got my lazy arse to the gym.
At the gym I remembered something important and turned to my boyfriend, excited to check what had been occupying my mind for most of the day. “Hey did you see that cool whale video I tagged you in?!”
“Which one? You have way too much free time” he laughs.
Two months prior to this I thought I definitely would have been employed at this point, not getting my thrills from forgotten crisps and Instagram posts of random animals. After handing in my last piece of uni work, the break that I told myself I needed had extended way past one week well into a month. One minute I had to wait to finish my work and the next I decided I had to wait to get my results. Procrastination is my speciality, I’m sure you can all relate. I used to think finding a job was as easy as rocking up and charming them with a few of my best, most-practiced jokes and them realising how awesome and employable I am. But alas, earwax, in the words of the wise Dumbledore. The world of publishing doesn’t work that way. Plus, I’m not even sure I’m that funny.
On a more positive note, the need to start being proactive (and stop stumbling into the deep and scarring parts of the internet) had motivated me to start this amazing blog. Shout-out to all my fans reading this, i.e. my mum, sister and boyfriend. I hope you’re all excited to read about the ADVENTURE OF NESS. Stay on brand guys.
So kids, thus concludes the story about how a small potato crisp changed my life.
Oh, and the look of horror that crossed people’s faces when they saw what I had become.
I even found a job 3 months later!
..I still eat crisps off my top though.